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Raise a Confident Child: It’s not about helping them “do things right”

You can watch the video here, or read the transcript below

Today I want to talk with you about one of the ways that you can raise a confident child, and this is especially true if they have anxiety. We often think (subconsciously) that we can help our children become more confident if we help them to learn to do things “the right way”–so we show them.

We often do that because we want to spare them any painful feelings of maybe getting it wrong, or not doing well enough, or being judged or evaluated by others. Of course, we also do it because we want to help them. 

But there’s times when we actually overstep boundaries a little bit because of our own anxiety, and we tend to want to help them to do things in the “right way”, or just a little more perfectly, thinking it will make them feel better.

It’s important to recognize that when it’s our anxiety that’s prompting us to overreach and to help a bit more than is really necessary, we’re often passing on our own anxiety to our kids instead of helping them. Our kids then grow up to be somewhat anxious and tentative, with a tendency to want to get things right themselves. And that’s how anxiety and perfectionism get passed on from generation to generation. 

So what I’d like to suggest is that if you want to build confidence in your child, especially if you have a slightly anxious or tentative child, that it’s really most helpful for you to be noticing whether it’s your own anxiety that’s prompting you to help. 

You can also start stepping out more and having the courage to try things that make you feel a little bit nervous, and then practice being compassionate with yourself when it doesn’t turn out quite the way you’d hoped. And when you start doing that with yourself, your child will learn to do the same:

  1. through your role modeling, and
  2. because you’ll automatically start to extend that same compassion to them when they miss step. 

And they’ll learn to go more gently with themselves as well. 

So all in all that really supports your child to be authentic and to march to the beat of their own drum, so to speak, because they gain the confidence to just put themselves out there without without worry about or anxiety about other people’s approval.

Drop a comment below and let me know what you think ✨✨

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